Thursday, March 25, 2010
An emptiness
That hole that I have in my heart seems like it will never close. I find myself missing my mom more and more lately. Not sure if it's the Easter season, mom was very festive during this time of year, or if it's cause I know that that day is coming closer and closer to when I lost her. I wake up each day thinking that it will be good. Then those moments where I find that I'm not doing anything creep up on me and my mind starts to wander. I love to think about my mom but then the heartache begins and I begin to regret letting myself think about her. I know that this pain will always be here, I just wish that it would get easier instead of harder. If it weren't for certain people in my life, I have no idea what I'd do. This was gonna go in my private blog but I decided to post it on my public one. I feel a little better after writing this :)
Sunday, January 31, 2010
OMG, has it been that long!
Hello amigas and amigos!
Well it has been awhile since I've blogged. And not that nothing has been going on, but I've gotten lazy. Not good! So I'm going to make a promise to myself, 3 blogs a week! Or at least 1, haaha!
Relationship wise - Things are going well with R2 and I, yay! Granted our last dramatic outfall was a couple of weeks ago, but prior to that it was last back in November. So tht's a good thing. I like where we are right now, that's all tht matters :)
Family wise - Blah! That's another story. Those tht are close to me know that I hve a story with a particular relative tht I bunt heads with. Well tht's not going so well so stay tuned to future blogs about how she continues to torture me.
Friends - I never got a chance to express my thanks and gratitude for some very special people that have come into my life this past year through the online community. These people have brightened my day in more ways than one and hve been there at my lowest. I know tht they may not realize this, but there were times when I got a txt, card, e-mail, IM or phone call at the perfect time to lift me up. I love all my friends and am thankful for each and every one of them, but I want to make a special recognition to Angie (MG), Carlos and Grey (who needs to get a blog going!!) for being some of the dearest friends anyone could ask for :)
And with that, here's hoping tht everyone id hving a good year so far. 11 more months to go til 2011, haaha!
Well it has been awhile since I've blogged. And not that nothing has been going on, but I've gotten lazy. Not good! So I'm going to make a promise to myself, 3 blogs a week! Or at least 1, haaha!
Relationship wise - Things are going well with R2 and I, yay! Granted our last dramatic outfall was a couple of weeks ago, but prior to that it was last back in November. So tht's a good thing. I like where we are right now, that's all tht matters :)
Family wise - Blah! That's another story. Those tht are close to me know that I hve a story with a particular relative tht I bunt heads with. Well tht's not going so well so stay tuned to future blogs about how she continues to torture me.
Friends - I never got a chance to express my thanks and gratitude for some very special people that have come into my life this past year through the online community. These people have brightened my day in more ways than one and hve been there at my lowest. I know tht they may not realize this, but there were times when I got a txt, card, e-mail, IM or phone call at the perfect time to lift me up. I love all my friends and am thankful for each and every one of them, but I want to make a special recognition to Angie (MG), Carlos and Grey (who needs to get a blog going!!) for being some of the dearest friends anyone could ask for :)
And with that, here's hoping tht everyone id hving a good year so far. 11 more months to go til 2011, haaha!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
It's been awhile, damn insomnia is back!
Wow, it's been awhile since I've blogged. I need to make a habit of at least posting 2 times a week.
So what's been up? I've been struggling lately with sleeping. Yes, the insomnia is slowly coming back. But it's not as bad as it was the first time. My first round of insomnia I was only getting 10 to 15 minute naps day or night throughout the day and night. 30 mins if I was lucky. This time around, It's anywhere from 2 to 4 hrs. 5 if I'm real lucky.
How do i deal with this problem? Many people are telling me that I need to get on some kind of medication to sleep. My answer,um....no thanks. I did it on my own the first time, I'll be able to do it again. I don't want to be one of those people that depend on pills. Am I wrong in thinking that way? Maybe it's just me. I've been able to do it thus far, I'll be ok.
I often wonder how I'd be though if I didn't have some of the people in my life that I have right now? And I'm not only talking about people that I have physically with me, but people that I've met through twitter. I never thought I'd make some real connections that I've made with some people on twiter. I am grateful for them everyday. Some of them have no idea how much they've helped me in times of need.
So in conclusion, insomnia is back (yay, not), very grateful for my love and best friends here in SA and very grateful for my wonderful, beautiful twitter friends (Have no idea what I'd do w/o them, especially in the middle of the night).
So what's been up? I've been struggling lately with sleeping. Yes, the insomnia is slowly coming back. But it's not as bad as it was the first time. My first round of insomnia I was only getting 10 to 15 minute naps day or night throughout the day and night. 30 mins if I was lucky. This time around, It's anywhere from 2 to 4 hrs. 5 if I'm real lucky.
How do i deal with this problem? Many people are telling me that I need to get on some kind of medication to sleep. My answer,um....no thanks. I did it on my own the first time, I'll be able to do it again. I don't want to be one of those people that depend on pills. Am I wrong in thinking that way? Maybe it's just me. I've been able to do it thus far, I'll be ok.
I often wonder how I'd be though if I didn't have some of the people in my life that I have right now? And I'm not only talking about people that I have physically with me, but people that I've met through twitter. I never thought I'd make some real connections that I've made with some people on twiter. I am grateful for them everyday. Some of them have no idea how much they've helped me in times of need.
So in conclusion, insomnia is back (yay, not), very grateful for my love and best friends here in SA and very grateful for my wonderful, beautiful twitter friends (Have no idea what I'd do w/o them, especially in the middle of the night).
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
My First Kiss!
So the other night I was talking to one of my close friends. We were having one of our usual conversations talking about whatever, you know just random things. Within our conversation the subject of her first kiss came up which got me to thinking of my first kiss. It was a rather awkward situation and I thought it would be funny to blog about it.
Now before anything, I need to make clear that I've always been in a private school. Catholic school all my life except when we were oversees in Europe. I point this out because in High School I went to an all girls Catholic school and always hung out in groups, so I never really was exposed to the whole dating boys thing til I got to college where it was there that I experienced my first real kiss. Sad to say, it wasn't R2 haha!
I'll never forget this young man who gave me my first kiss. His name was Sal and he was a very good friend. At least he was til he kissed me, lol. Perhaps I should explain. This guy was one of my first friends in college. We had like 3 classes together. He was a good buddy. We would see each other every now and then and talk like regular friends do. One day he saw me in the library and we started talking. We both still had quite some time before our next class would start and he asked if I wanted to go back to his dorm room to watch a movie. I thought sure, that would be cool. So we go to his dorm room and he turns on the tv. He sat next to me on the couch and that's where it all began...
When he sat next to me, he seemed kind of fidgety like he was nervous or something. He started talking to me and kept like gazing into my eyes. Haha, it's so funny now because at the time, I had no idea what gazing into someones eyes was. Then it happened, he lightly brushed a finger across my cheek and then leaned in and kissed me. It was the funniest thing because I completely froze! I kept thinking to myself, "What are you doing, you're my friend"?! I kissed him back, but it was weird to me cause I really had no idea what the hell I was doing. After it was over, it was real quiet and suddenly sitting next to him felt real weird. I made up some excuse about having to leave cause I was working on a paper. Well needless to say, I'm sure that he didn't get the reaction he was expecting because after that day, he never spoke to me again. And it wasn't a bad thing, it was more like he tried to avoid me as much as possible and I him. We saw each other about 2 years later and the meeting was kind of awkward at first but then everything sort of fell into place and we talked regularly like nothing had happened. Funny thing is that to this day, neither one of us has ever mentioned that day.
Well, that's my story of my first kiss. I'm happy that this friendship was able to resolve itself. Maybe one day I'll have the courage to tell my friend Sal that he gave me my first kiss. He'll always hold a special place in my heart :)
Now before anything, I need to make clear that I've always been in a private school. Catholic school all my life except when we were oversees in Europe. I point this out because in High School I went to an all girls Catholic school and always hung out in groups, so I never really was exposed to the whole dating boys thing til I got to college where it was there that I experienced my first real kiss. Sad to say, it wasn't R2 haha!
I'll never forget this young man who gave me my first kiss. His name was Sal and he was a very good friend. At least he was til he kissed me, lol. Perhaps I should explain. This guy was one of my first friends in college. We had like 3 classes together. He was a good buddy. We would see each other every now and then and talk like regular friends do. One day he saw me in the library and we started talking. We both still had quite some time before our next class would start and he asked if I wanted to go back to his dorm room to watch a movie. I thought sure, that would be cool. So we go to his dorm room and he turns on the tv. He sat next to me on the couch and that's where it all began...
When he sat next to me, he seemed kind of fidgety like he was nervous or something. He started talking to me and kept like gazing into my eyes. Haha, it's so funny now because at the time, I had no idea what gazing into someones eyes was. Then it happened, he lightly brushed a finger across my cheek and then leaned in and kissed me. It was the funniest thing because I completely froze! I kept thinking to myself, "What are you doing, you're my friend"?! I kissed him back, but it was weird to me cause I really had no idea what the hell I was doing. After it was over, it was real quiet and suddenly sitting next to him felt real weird. I made up some excuse about having to leave cause I was working on a paper. Well needless to say, I'm sure that he didn't get the reaction he was expecting because after that day, he never spoke to me again. And it wasn't a bad thing, it was more like he tried to avoid me as much as possible and I him. We saw each other about 2 years later and the meeting was kind of awkward at first but then everything sort of fell into place and we talked regularly like nothing had happened. Funny thing is that to this day, neither one of us has ever mentioned that day.
Well, that's my story of my first kiss. I'm happy that this friendship was able to resolve itself. Maybe one day I'll have the courage to tell my friend Sal that he gave me my first kiss. He'll always hold a special place in my heart :)
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Day 6 - My Favorite Tweets!
Every now and then, there is a tweet or two that catches my attention that I have no choice but to add to my favorites. Here are just a few and why they're my faves!
@shaycarl The Damn internet needs to have a closing time so I can go to sleep. "Thanks for surfing the web but we are currently closed! Come again" ;)
Have we not all felt this way at one time or another! The internet can be too addictiong at times...
@itsBrent [Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today.]
I just liked this! Very inspiring. Not sure if Brent came up with it but still! :)
@TonyaTko My dad just came by with his toolbox & saved the day! Thank goodness for Daddies...& even more for The "Daddy's Girls" who love & need them!
I can relate to this tweet on so many levels, I'm a daddy's girl too!
@itsBrent Donuts and Guns. Welcome to Texas. http://twitpic.com/ohhf
It's a TX tweet! Had to go in the faves! Copy and paste the link to view the pic, very funny!
@CharlesTrippy I wish they made Head & Shoulders for flaky people in real life and not just flaky hair. LOL.
I thought this was funny!
@MrsGinobili Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, & never regret anything that made you smile.
Words to live by! Gotta love MG :)
@rattlergrl @iamgrey @MrsGinobili @illegalvenez @Rose_Flores Secret coven meeting must be held! We seem to have been put up for discussion? Haha!
I thought this was funny cause seems like everyone wants to be part of our coven. No more members!! HAHAHA!!
@Rose_Flores Ooo they're playing Closer by NIN. Yeah i'm talking to you hahaha ;-)
Pfft! No explanation right Rose?! HAHA!
@carlos_vnzla #1 @rattlergrl @Rose_Flores 262... i SMurfing love you girls :) #2 @Rose_Flores @rattlergrl who cares what tweeple think... the coven is what matters!
Tweets from one of the times Carlos was a little tipsy! lol
@carlos_vnzla #1@rose_flores @rattlergrl U MEMBER.... *sigh* cus recently i was all *sigh*#2@Rose_Flores @rattlergrl lol... i cant show you'll my tweets and blips right now! people will see
Haha, inside jokes with Carlos and Rose!
@Rose_Flores Just passed a street called Rattler Lane. Thought of RG and R2G2! Going too fast to take a pic though lol
Aww, R1G1 and R2G2 :)
@buckhollywood I love that all the major news networks are asking us to tweet our thoughts about Michael Jackson! Everyone is a Twitter WHORE! :-)
We are all twitter whores, don't deny it! Hahaha!
@slimshadym1 #1@rattlergrl hey go to BED..JST SAY NO..lol!! #2@rattlergrl u too..STOP TWEETING..U NEED #TWEHAB!!lol
The night I realized I had a twitter addiction! Hahaha!
@iamgrey http://blip.fm/~9o0y4 For people who just need to say...and those who want to hear...
This was on a day tht R2 was in Dallas the first time he left. We thank Grey everyday for this song. It's become a very special song to the Rattlers :)
@rattlerguy @rattlergrl What up buttercup! LOL Got 20 mins...
Just thought it was cute :)
@AguyfrTX #1@rattlergrl @rattlerguy And yes i am druk, who gives a F---! I left out the n on purpose so it could rhyme LMAO! BOOSH! #2 Jsut got in, am reelly wasted, and am in 2 truthful of a mood! No tweets 2nite! Well maybez a few LOL Cinder!! Sent you a DM not an MD HAHA! #3 I'm no longer drunk, I am now wasted! LMAO Peace out!
Had to include Matt's tipsy tweets. He's a fun drunkie :)
@Drunk_Bot RT @MrsGinobili @slimshadym1 @rattlergrl omg @jwinfrmsa was stalking us, he totally loves me! =) lmao ok ill stop now im drunk!! - http: ...
Had to add one of our drunk_bot ones! Hahaha!
So these are only a few of my favorite tweets! I have so many! When I'm kinda bummed or just feel like laughing, I go back and read my faves, have a good laugh and then feel much better! I love all my twitter friends. I thank them all!
@shaycarl The Damn internet needs to have a closing time so I can go to sleep. "Thanks for surfing the web but we are currently closed! Come again" ;)
Have we not all felt this way at one time or another! The internet can be too addictiong at times...
@itsBrent [Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today.]
I just liked this! Very inspiring. Not sure if Brent came up with it but still! :)
@TonyaTko My dad just came by with his toolbox & saved the day! Thank goodness for Daddies...& even more for The "Daddy's Girls" who love & need them!
I can relate to this tweet on so many levels, I'm a daddy's girl too!
@itsBrent Donuts and Guns. Welcome to Texas. http://twitpic.com/ohhf
It's a TX tweet! Had to go in the faves! Copy and paste the link to view the pic, very funny!
@CharlesTrippy I wish they made Head & Shoulders for flaky people in real life and not just flaky hair. LOL.
I thought this was funny!
@MrsGinobili Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, & never regret anything that made you smile.
Words to live by! Gotta love MG :)
@rattlergrl @iamgrey @MrsGinobili @illegalvenez @Rose_Flores Secret coven meeting must be held! We seem to have been put up for discussion? Haha!
I thought this was funny cause seems like everyone wants to be part of our coven. No more members!! HAHAHA!!
@Rose_Flores Ooo they're playing Closer by NIN. Yeah i'm talking to you hahaha ;-)
Pfft! No explanation right Rose?! HAHA!
@carlos_vnzla #1 @rattlergrl @Rose_Flores 262... i SMurfing love you girls :) #2 @Rose_Flores @rattlergrl who cares what tweeple think... the coven is what matters!
Tweets from one of the times Carlos was a little tipsy! lol
@carlos_vnzla #1@rose_flores @rattlergrl U MEMBER.... *sigh* cus recently i was all *sigh*#2@Rose_Flores @rattlergrl lol... i cant show you'll my tweets and blips right now! people will see
Haha, inside jokes with Carlos and Rose!
@Rose_Flores Just passed a street called Rattler Lane. Thought of RG and R2G2! Going too fast to take a pic though lol
Aww, R1G1 and R2G2 :)
@buckhollywood I love that all the major news networks are asking us to tweet our thoughts about Michael Jackson! Everyone is a Twitter WHORE! :-)
We are all twitter whores, don't deny it! Hahaha!
@slimshadym1 #1@rattlergrl hey go to BED..JST SAY NO..lol!! #2@rattlergrl u too..STOP TWEETING..U NEED #TWEHAB!!lol
The night I realized I had a twitter addiction! Hahaha!
@iamgrey http://blip.fm/~9o0y4 For people who just need to say...and those who want to hear...
This was on a day tht R2 was in Dallas the first time he left. We thank Grey everyday for this song. It's become a very special song to the Rattlers :)
@rattlerguy @rattlergrl What up buttercup! LOL Got 20 mins...
Just thought it was cute :)
@AguyfrTX #1@rattlergrl @rattlerguy And yes i am druk, who gives a F---! I left out the n on purpose so it could rhyme LMAO! BOOSH! #2 Jsut got in, am reelly wasted, and am in 2 truthful of a mood! No tweets 2nite! Well maybez a few LOL Cinder!! Sent you a DM not an MD HAHA! #3 I'm no longer drunk, I am now wasted! LMAO Peace out!
Had to include Matt's tipsy tweets. He's a fun drunkie :)
@Drunk_Bot RT @MrsGinobili @slimshadym1 @rattlergrl omg @jwinfrmsa was stalking us, he totally loves me! =) lmao ok ill stop now im drunk!! - http: ...
Had to add one of our drunk_bot ones! Hahaha!
So these are only a few of my favorite tweets! I have so many! When I'm kinda bummed or just feel like laughing, I go back and read my faves, have a good laugh and then feel much better! I love all my twitter friends. I thank them all!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Day 5 - What I did today!
Really couldn't decided what to pick out of my day for today's blog so I decided to do something a little different. Gonna write about my whole day instead of a specific topic with a point! That's right, no moral point today, just a day in the life of sort of thing, lol. Anyway, my day was divided into 2 parts, the first half belonged to my dad the second half belonged to love, otherwise known as R2.
My day started with breakfast with my dad. My dad is normally off on Friday's from work, so it has become a normal routine of spending time together bonding. The day normally starts off by us eating breakfast together. And it's either Denny's, IHOP or today's choice, McDonald's. I enjoy this time, cause it allows me to spend time with my dad. Usually after breakfast, if it isn't checking out estate sales, we will go and visit antique shops or spend some time and catch a movie with my fave aunt. Today after breakfast, we decided to check out some estate sales. My dad likes going to those and honestly, so do I. There are 4 companies whose mailing lists we are on and luckily, 2 of them were having sales today. My first half of the day was fun.
R2 and myself wanted to see the new Final Destination movie cause it was gonna be in 3D. It's been awhile since I've seen a 3D movie, so I was really looking forward to it. Overall, the movie was the typical storyline, nothing new but boy the 3D effects were awesome. That alone made the movie worth seeing. After the movie we came back to my house and had lunch with my dad from Subway. It was a fun afternoon.
In the evening, I found myself at R2's place this time watching the Ranger game with a couple of friends. Ranger's lost :( After the game, R2 and I decided to go downstairs and walk the Riverwalk. That's something that we enjoy doing. We spent some time at Durty Nellie's Irish pub (one of our hangouts) and then he took me home.
So that was my Friday. Spent it with the 2 most important men in my life my dad and my R2 :)
My day started with breakfast with my dad. My dad is normally off on Friday's from work, so it has become a normal routine of spending time together bonding. The day normally starts off by us eating breakfast together. And it's either Denny's, IHOP or today's choice, McDonald's. I enjoy this time, cause it allows me to spend time with my dad. Usually after breakfast, if it isn't checking out estate sales, we will go and visit antique shops or spend some time and catch a movie with my fave aunt. Today after breakfast, we decided to check out some estate sales. My dad likes going to those and honestly, so do I. There are 4 companies whose mailing lists we are on and luckily, 2 of them were having sales today. My first half of the day was fun.
R2 and myself wanted to see the new Final Destination movie cause it was gonna be in 3D. It's been awhile since I've seen a 3D movie, so I was really looking forward to it. Overall, the movie was the typical storyline, nothing new but boy the 3D effects were awesome. That alone made the movie worth seeing. After the movie we came back to my house and had lunch with my dad from Subway. It was a fun afternoon.
In the evening, I found myself at R2's place this time watching the Ranger game with a couple of friends. Ranger's lost :( After the game, R2 and I decided to go downstairs and walk the Riverwalk. That's something that we enjoy doing. We spent some time at Durty Nellie's Irish pub (one of our hangouts) and then he took me home.
So that was my Friday. Spent it with the 2 most important men in my life my dad and my R2 :)
Day 4 - This heat is affecting all of us!!
Today I got scared! A friend of mine was visiting and we were watching the Ranger game. I got thirsty so decided to get up and get a drink. Thank goodness I did cause when I went to the kitchen and looked out the window, I saw my 8yr old shepherd Venus acting real weird in the middle of the yard. She was lying down but at the same time it looked like she was struggling to get up. I ran outside only to find her mouth all bloody and shaking like she couldn't catch her breath. I yelled out for my friend to come and help me. When he came out, he pulled her to the shade and we started hosing her down with water. My poor dog was having some sort of heat stroke. The heat has been so awful lately!
My friend held her up and started rubbing her chest as he kept wetting her. By that time, I had already gotten the other hose on her and was wetting her as much as possible. It took awhile, but little by little she started catching her breath. Well as I was wetting her head and mouth, I realized that the blood that I saw was from her biting her tongue. That gave me some relief because at least she wasn't bleeding internally. So after about 20 minutes of constantly wetting her, she finally got up and started to walk around. I had already called the vet and they told me that I was doing the best thing for her and to just keep an eye on her from time to time. Which is what my dad and myself did.
I'm so thankful for my friend Matt and all his help in making sure my dog was well. There was no hesitation from him at all in helping me help my dog. Poor Matt looked awful after everything was over. He was all dirty and muddy from head to toe.
So I'd like to say thank you Matt. You truly are a wonderful friend. Both Venus and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts! :)
Internet was down last night! Had to post today! Haha!
My friend held her up and started rubbing her chest as he kept wetting her. By that time, I had already gotten the other hose on her and was wetting her as much as possible. It took awhile, but little by little she started catching her breath. Well as I was wetting her head and mouth, I realized that the blood that I saw was from her biting her tongue. That gave me some relief because at least she wasn't bleeding internally. So after about 20 minutes of constantly wetting her, she finally got up and started to walk around. I had already called the vet and they told me that I was doing the best thing for her and to just keep an eye on her from time to time. Which is what my dad and myself did.
I'm so thankful for my friend Matt and all his help in making sure my dog was well. There was no hesitation from him at all in helping me help my dog. Poor Matt looked awful after everything was over. He was all dirty and muddy from head to toe.
So I'd like to say thank you Matt. You truly are a wonderful friend. Both Venus and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts! :)
Internet was down last night! Had to post today! Haha!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Day 3 - Cartoons
So this morning I got up about 4 in the morning and for the life of me, could not go back to sleep! I didn't want to get online cause then I'd have to get up and I was to comfortable in my bed. I couldn't listen to my iPod cause my earbuds make a strange buzzing noise that keeps getting louder and is very aggravating. I couldn't chat on AIM or get on Twitter through my phone cause I forgot to charge the phone and it was low on power. So I decided to watch TV. Of course being that it was the middle of the night, there was nothing on! Until I came across the Cartoon Network! To my surprise, Tom and Jerry was on! And I think that it was some type of marathon thing cause I fell asleep after about 2 hrs and when I woke it was still on. Anyway, I use to love Tom and Jerry as a kid! That was one of my fave cartoons!
Which got me to thinking, man have cartoons changed since I was little. Pfft, they have changed since my parent's time. Look at Mickey Mouse for example. When my parents were little MM was black and white and really skinny. Now he has a little more meat on his bones and wears different clothes! But one thing for sure is that that smile is still the same on his face!
To me, cartoons are not what they use to be. Where are the cartoons about animals?!? Or the ones that had little funny cute creatures?! I don't like cartoons nowadays. I take that back, I don't like SOME cartoons nowadays. Some are just completely awful! Anyway, that was today's random thought!
Quick note! For some reason, this did not post yesterday like it was suppose to. So there will be 2 posts for today but this one was intended for yesterday :)
Which got me to thinking, man have cartoons changed since I was little. Pfft, they have changed since my parent's time. Look at Mickey Mouse for example. When my parents were little MM was black and white and really skinny. Now he has a little more meat on his bones and wears different clothes! But one thing for sure is that that smile is still the same on his face!
To me, cartoons are not what they use to be. Where are the cartoons about animals?!? Or the ones that had little funny cute creatures?! I don't like cartoons nowadays. I take that back, I don't like SOME cartoons nowadays. Some are just completely awful! Anyway, that was today's random thought!
Quick note! For some reason, this did not post yesterday like it was suppose to. So there will be 2 posts for today but this one was intended for yesterday :)
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Day 2 - I was only thinking of you!
Yesterday was a day full of emotions. Tears, anger, hurt, fear and any other feeling in between rolled into one. For the first time in my new relationship, I was tested I guess you could say. I was faced with the possibility of choosing between my own happiness and the happiness of someone else.
A person I deeply care about was offered a better opportunity that would have caused him to move away to another city. I'm not gonna lie, when I found this out, there was a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that just felt horrible. I was faced with the fact that I might lose one of the few people that I care deeply about. But rather than being selfish and thinking about my feelings, I pushed that aside and thought about the benefits that it would be for my dear friend and love. Which in turn turned out to be a mistake because when that was brought to his attention, all hell broke lose literally, *Enter all the feelings mentioned in the 2nd line of this post*
Now his argument was that I was making too much out of nothing. "Blowing things out of proportion" those were the words that he used. That I wasn't thinking of his feelings and what he wanted. I was even accused of using this situation as an excuse to end our relationship, I'm not gonna lie that one really hurt. But you see, it wasn't that. If I had my way, in a utopian universe if such a place existed, I would want this person with me every single day, day and night! This person has no idea, or at least he didn't at the time, how much he and the time that he spends with me mean to me. I was only thinking of him and his happiness. And if that happiness meant me having to let go of him, I was willing to make that sacrifice.
Which brings me to the point of this post. Remember there is always a point. Was I wrong in my thinking? Isn't it true that when you love someone so much, you should be willing to sacrifice your own happiness for theirs? That's how I've always felt because I know that if the situation were reverse, I would expect the same thing from that other person. To me, this whole situation that I went through yesterday relates to that famous saying "It's better to have lost at love, then never to have loved at all". Anyway, that's what was on my mind today...
Quick side note: It was appreciated that certain people helped me out yesterday in more ways than one. Oh and things were settled with this person. To you my dear sweet love, I love you more than you will ever know :)
A person I deeply care about was offered a better opportunity that would have caused him to move away to another city. I'm not gonna lie, when I found this out, there was a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that just felt horrible. I was faced with the fact that I might lose one of the few people that I care deeply about. But rather than being selfish and thinking about my feelings, I pushed that aside and thought about the benefits that it would be for my dear friend and love. Which in turn turned out to be a mistake because when that was brought to his attention, all hell broke lose literally, *Enter all the feelings mentioned in the 2nd line of this post*
Now his argument was that I was making too much out of nothing. "Blowing things out of proportion" those were the words that he used. That I wasn't thinking of his feelings and what he wanted. I was even accused of using this situation as an excuse to end our relationship, I'm not gonna lie that one really hurt. But you see, it wasn't that. If I had my way, in a utopian universe if such a place existed, I would want this person with me every single day, day and night! This person has no idea, or at least he didn't at the time, how much he and the time that he spends with me mean to me. I was only thinking of him and his happiness. And if that happiness meant me having to let go of him, I was willing to make that sacrifice.
Which brings me to the point of this post. Remember there is always a point. Was I wrong in my thinking? Isn't it true that when you love someone so much, you should be willing to sacrifice your own happiness for theirs? That's how I've always felt because I know that if the situation were reverse, I would expect the same thing from that other person. To me, this whole situation that I went through yesterday relates to that famous saying "It's better to have lost at love, then never to have loved at all". Anyway, that's what was on my mind today...
Quick side note: It was appreciated that certain people helped me out yesterday in more ways than one. Oh and things were settled with this person. To you my dear sweet love, I love you more than you will ever know :)
Monday, August 24, 2009
Day 1 - Why is she looking for me!
So yesterday I received a call from one of my old neighbors by my grandmas house. I received some upsetting and disturbing news. First I find out that my gram isn't doing too well. My mom's sister was telling a neighbor that gram doesn't want to get up anymore let alone eat. Gram is already 90 yrs old so it is expected. Anyway, I also find out that that lady (my mom's sister) has let all my mother's rose bushes die and that she's cutting down all the trees at the house. She's a strange lady. So that's the upsetting news, gram isn't doing well and mom's sister is destroying all the beauty of my gram's yard.
Now the disturbing news, dun dun dun! Why is she suddenly asking for me?!? I find out that she's asking all the neighbor's if they've talked to me and if they know where I live. It's been over a yr since I've seen the b*tch (yup can't stand her and that's a whole other story that I don't wish to get into right know) why does she want to see me? This makes me kind or nervous b/c the last time we saw each other, things were not well and still aren't. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but it still makes me kind of nervous. At least I'm not getting sick anymore with the thought of her. Yes, it use to be that bad!
Which brings me to the point of today's thought. Yes, there is always a point. How do you deal with someone that you truly despise and hate? I mean, should you cross paths with such a person, how do you react and what do you do? I have avoided this lady as much as possible. I know the day will come when we'll meet again. My problem is that I have no idea what will happen? This person has hurt me in so many ways that it is unbelievable! You couldn't even begin to imagine what hell she's put me through. I wonder,...What will happen? What will I say? Will I cry, yell or do nothing? That's what's on my mind right now...
Now the disturbing news, dun dun dun! Why is she suddenly asking for me?!? I find out that she's asking all the neighbor's if they've talked to me and if they know where I live. It's been over a yr since I've seen the b*tch (yup can't stand her and that's a whole other story that I don't wish to get into right know) why does she want to see me? This makes me kind or nervous b/c the last time we saw each other, things were not well and still aren't. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but it still makes me kind of nervous. At least I'm not getting sick anymore with the thought of her. Yes, it use to be that bad!
Which brings me to the point of today's thought. Yes, there is always a point. How do you deal with someone that you truly despise and hate? I mean, should you cross paths with such a person, how do you react and what do you do? I have avoided this lady as much as possible. I know the day will come when we'll meet again. My problem is that I have no idea what will happen? This person has hurt me in so many ways that it is unbelievable! You couldn't even begin to imagine what hell she's put me through. I wonder,...What will happen? What will I say? Will I cry, yell or do nothing? That's what's on my mind right now...
A blog a day...
So I have decided that I'm gonna make a blog post everyday for a week starting today! That should be fun. Of course they will be random. I'll pick out something that stood out that day and blog my thoughts about it. Whether it be something I saw on TV, something I heard or something I did, I will decide and blog about it. Won't be anything exciting or interesting, but a random thought or two. Stay tuned...
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
A new phone!
Oh, such a sad day! My cel phone has finally died! Grr... Funny story. I have had this cel phone since the Motorola Razor first came out. I remember wanting one b/c I thought it was such a cool looking phone! My mom and dad decided to get me one and I was real excited. I remember that they spent like $400, almost $500 dollars! I was so excited b/c I had such a cool phone! Little did I know that about 2 yrs later it would be offered as a buy 1 get one free for like $149. Haha!
Anyway, point of the story. I have been holding on to this phone b/c it was something that my mother gave me. For some reason, I had it in my mind that by replacing the phone it would be like getting rid of another memory of my mother. IDK might seem weird but for some reason it makes sense to me. Well I have come to realize that the phone is only a material item and I am ready for a new phone! Yay, for me. May seem stupid, but it's a positive step for me. So at the end of this week, I'm getting a new phone!
Anyway, point of the story. I have been holding on to this phone b/c it was something that my mother gave me. For some reason, I had it in my mind that by replacing the phone it would be like getting rid of another memory of my mother. IDK might seem weird but for some reason it makes sense to me. Well I have come to realize that the phone is only a material item and I am ready for a new phone! Yay, for me. May seem stupid, but it's a positive step for me. So at the end of this week, I'm getting a new phone!
Monday, July 27, 2009
The Snake Farm!
Being that Saturday was a yr since losing mom, we decided to go and do something that we were all suppose to do together instead of staying at home depressed and sad. I know that that's what mom would have wanted :) So dad and myself decided to pick up Nick, my god-brother and spend the day together. Mom always wanted to take nick to the Snake Farm in New Braunfels so we decided to go ahead and make that trip to fulfil mom's wish. We had alot of fun!
The place is divided into two sections, the snake farm and the petting zoo. It's not really big but big enough to enjoy. A nice little tourist attraction along the highway. The Snake Farm housed many different kinds of snakes, turtles, crocs and other reptiles. The sm section that had animals was cute. There were birds, monkeys, longhorns (no surprise there, we are in TX after all), a couple of zebras, pigs and quite a fewother animals.
It ended up being a nice fun day. We stayed there for about 2 hrs. On the way home, we talked about mom which was good for all of us. It was a good day :)
Friday, July 24, 2009
A yr ago today
A yr ago today, my heart was broken and my whole world was turned upside down! At the time, I never thought that I'd survive. I never pictured that my life would go on the way it has. What seemed impossible at the time has become a reality. I was able to make it and am ready to move forward, I think. This blog entry may not make any sense, but it makes sense to me. I love you mom and I will always hold you not only in my memory but forever in my heart. I miss you so much, but I'm gonna be ok...
Monday, July 20, 2009
It will soon be a year...
As much as this should be put in my private blog, I've decided to go ahead and put it on both.
I have a broken heart that has been trying to mend throughout the last yr. Perhaps I should explain, but before I go any further, please know that this post is not intended to get any pity or attention from anyone but simply to allow others into a part of me that I'm now ready to share. I was told that it would be good for me.
On July 25th of last yr, my whole world was torn apart. I lost my mother and almost lost myself as well. Perhaps I should clarify....What I mean is, I lost the will that each of us needs to have everyday. The will to go on, the will to keep on living the life that my mom would have wanted. The will to just be. I stayed to myself and alienated everyone around me that resulted in things that I now am sorry for. I didn't eat for weeks and just wanted to be left alone. Then when I thought that things couldn't get any worse, they did. That's a whole other blog that I'm not ready to discuss because of all the anger that it brings. But anyway, that situation resulted in my having to not only lose my childhood home but also having to lose the only grandparent that I've ever known.
My mother was the rock that held our family together. She was the stronger one that both my father and I depended on. She was the center of my entire world. We were very close and when my father and I lost her, we lost ourselves. There was no end or beginning to each day. It was just time that passed with no ending. It was hard. Boy has it been so hard, but by some strange miracle, we have survived and I can now say that we are going to be ok. This past yr has been a great struggle for me and my dad. We have gone through numerous heartaches and it seems that there are not enough tears to cry for what we've been through.
These past few days, I have been trying my hardest to keep my mind occupied trying to ignore that each day the 25th comes closer. It's been hard but I've managed to do so. However, there have been a couple of moments that have hit me hard and that's expected because I know that it's something that I can't ignore and to be honest, I really don't want to. I know that that emptiness and pain will never go away, but it's not as bad as it use to be. I can now get up in the morning and smile. I can laugh when someone says or does something funny. I can now remember my mom w/o much heartache anymore but instead with happiness. And most of all, I can now look at her picture and smile. The tears still fall but now they are accompanied with warm thoughts and memories.
I do know that I have not made this journey alone. Aside from my father, aunts and uncles and cousins, I am very grateful for my friends. I honestly have no idea what I'd do w/o them, friends especially. My best friends Sylvie, Matt and my dear beloved Chris have done so much for me in just being there with open arms, ears and hearts. If it wasn't for their phone calls, company, e-mails or distractions, I have no idea what I would have done. Along the way, I've also managed to make a special connection with some of my online friends as well. Angelica (MG), Rose, Grey and Carlos have not only provided me with moments of wonderful laughter but have often kept me occupied in times when I really needed it. I hope that they know that there have been several nights where I thought that I'd go mad if it had not been for their conversation. I am grateful to the late night chats that each one has provided me with either as a group or individually. And I am also grateful for the concern that they've each shown me in their own way either thru AIM, DMs or txts. I truly love each and everyone of them and I hope that they know that they hold a special place in my heart.
I have a broken heart that has been trying to mend throughout the last yr. Perhaps I should explain, but before I go any further, please know that this post is not intended to get any pity or attention from anyone but simply to allow others into a part of me that I'm now ready to share. I was told that it would be good for me.
On July 25th of last yr, my whole world was torn apart. I lost my mother and almost lost myself as well. Perhaps I should clarify....What I mean is, I lost the will that each of us needs to have everyday. The will to go on, the will to keep on living the life that my mom would have wanted. The will to just be. I stayed to myself and alienated everyone around me that resulted in things that I now am sorry for. I didn't eat for weeks and just wanted to be left alone. Then when I thought that things couldn't get any worse, they did. That's a whole other blog that I'm not ready to discuss because of all the anger that it brings. But anyway, that situation resulted in my having to not only lose my childhood home but also having to lose the only grandparent that I've ever known.
My mother was the rock that held our family together. She was the stronger one that both my father and I depended on. She was the center of my entire world. We were very close and when my father and I lost her, we lost ourselves. There was no end or beginning to each day. It was just time that passed with no ending. It was hard. Boy has it been so hard, but by some strange miracle, we have survived and I can now say that we are going to be ok. This past yr has been a great struggle for me and my dad. We have gone through numerous heartaches and it seems that there are not enough tears to cry for what we've been through.
These past few days, I have been trying my hardest to keep my mind occupied trying to ignore that each day the 25th comes closer. It's been hard but I've managed to do so. However, there have been a couple of moments that have hit me hard and that's expected because I know that it's something that I can't ignore and to be honest, I really don't want to. I know that that emptiness and pain will never go away, but it's not as bad as it use to be. I can now get up in the morning and smile. I can laugh when someone says or does something funny. I can now remember my mom w/o much heartache anymore but instead with happiness. And most of all, I can now look at her picture and smile. The tears still fall but now they are accompanied with warm thoughts and memories.
I do know that I have not made this journey alone. Aside from my father, aunts and uncles and cousins, I am very grateful for my friends. I honestly have no idea what I'd do w/o them, friends especially. My best friends Sylvie, Matt and my dear beloved Chris have done so much for me in just being there with open arms, ears and hearts. If it wasn't for their phone calls, company, e-mails or distractions, I have no idea what I would have done. Along the way, I've also managed to make a special connection with some of my online friends as well. Angelica (MG), Rose, Grey and Carlos have not only provided me with moments of wonderful laughter but have often kept me occupied in times when I really needed it. I hope that they know that there have been several nights where I thought that I'd go mad if it had not been for their conversation. I am grateful to the late night chats that each one has provided me with either as a group or individually. And I am also grateful for the concern that they've each shown me in their own way either thru AIM, DMs or txts. I truly love each and everyone of them and I hope that they know that they hold a special place in my heart.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Love = Happiness: Good thing or bad?
LOVE, such a small word that comes with so much baggage. It can make you crazy, mad, smile and cry all at the same time. But most important of all, love can make you HAPPY. Thus bringing the question is that happiness all worth it and is it a good or bad thing?
Well.....Good because, well who doesn't want to be happy? Is that not the thing that everyone looks for, happiness? Happiness makes you want to get up in the morning. Happiness allows you to overlook things that usually annoy you. Happiness makes you smile and feel confidant....So, why would it be a bad thing?
Hmm...let's see. Well, happiness can sometimes become annoying to others around you thus pushing those that you love away. Happiness can sometimes make you choose between what makes you happy and what makes others happy. And, as quickly as happiness comes, it can leave, sad and scary but true. So what do you do?
Personally, I am doing what's right for me and what makes me happy. I like to get up every morning and feel good, that's healthy! Yes I may annoy others with my happiness, but I do it with hope that they'll be lucky enough to feel the same thing I'm feeling. If my friends are truly my friends, they shouldn't make me choose between my happiness and them and instead should just be there for me as I have always been there for them. And most of all, yes there's that chance that this happiness may one day end and I might get hurt in the process, and it is scary as hell!! But I stop and think about something. How would I be right now, if I didn't have this happiness with me? I think that I'd rather take that chance and enjoy it right now that I have it rather than living with that regret of wondering what would have been.
A very wise person once said that we shouldn't be scared to live because then we'll miss out on great things. Well living in the moment is what makes me happy, so that's what I'm doing.
Here's to being happy in love! And remember...."Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness". ~Oliver Wendell Holmes
Well.....Good because, well who doesn't want to be happy? Is that not the thing that everyone looks for, happiness? Happiness makes you want to get up in the morning. Happiness allows you to overlook things that usually annoy you. Happiness makes you smile and feel confidant....So, why would it be a bad thing?
Hmm...let's see. Well, happiness can sometimes become annoying to others around you thus pushing those that you love away. Happiness can sometimes make you choose between what makes you happy and what makes others happy. And, as quickly as happiness comes, it can leave, sad and scary but true. So what do you do?
Personally, I am doing what's right for me and what makes me happy. I like to get up every morning and feel good, that's healthy! Yes I may annoy others with my happiness, but I do it with hope that they'll be lucky enough to feel the same thing I'm feeling. If my friends are truly my friends, they shouldn't make me choose between my happiness and them and instead should just be there for me as I have always been there for them. And most of all, yes there's that chance that this happiness may one day end and I might get hurt in the process, and it is scary as hell!! But I stop and think about something. How would I be right now, if I didn't have this happiness with me? I think that I'd rather take that chance and enjoy it right now that I have it rather than living with that regret of wondering what would have been.
A very wise person once said that we shouldn't be scared to live because then we'll miss out on great things. Well living in the moment is what makes me happy, so that's what I'm doing.
Here's to being happy in love! And remember...."Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness". ~Oliver Wendell Holmes
Sunday, July 5, 2009
*ls*fjfh^ae%*fi_*edjs&#d* = (My Weekend)
Warning!! This is one of those ranting blogs where I have to write down my feelings as suggested by the the brilliant RoRo (@rose_flores).
This past weekend was one that was filled with days that contained every emotion imaginable. As you recall that my one tweet (Confused!! Very confused, frustrated, excited, happy, aggravated all mixed into one!! Grrr...7/04 1:54AM) pretty much explains this blog entry in a nutshell. Friday evening was great. Went out, had fun and then things went from great to woah! That's the best word to describe it. I got home that night w/mixed emotions but after a few exchanged texts with @Rose_flores and @IamGrey, I started to feel ok.
Saturday morning came. I woke up feeling rather excited b/c I was gonna participate in learning how to dance the Tango with a very special person. The class went well, we had alot of fun, things were great. Even more so b/c that night I had a real good convo on AIM w/my dear friend @iamgrey. I was back in my happy place!
Sunday.......all happiness went to HELL!! That's all I'm saying...
Which brings me to the main point of this blog entry.....What do you do when the one thing that you want most is right there in front of you, for you to take whenever you want it mind you, and it scares the f---ing sh*t out of you to go and take it!!
That is me right now!!
Wow, it really helps when you are able to read what you are thinking! I might just do the whole journal thing that RoRo suggested after all. Anyway, that's what is on my mind right now on 7/06 at 2:43 in the morning! I'm back in my happy place :)
This past weekend was one that was filled with days that contained every emotion imaginable. As you recall that my one tweet (Confused!! Very confused, frustrated, excited, happy, aggravated all mixed into one!! Grrr...7/04 1:54AM) pretty much explains this blog entry in a nutshell. Friday evening was great. Went out, had fun and then things went from great to woah! That's the best word to describe it. I got home that night w/mixed emotions but after a few exchanged texts with @Rose_flores and @IamGrey, I started to feel ok.
Saturday morning came. I woke up feeling rather excited b/c I was gonna participate in learning how to dance the Tango with a very special person. The class went well, we had alot of fun, things were great. Even more so b/c that night I had a real good convo on AIM w/my dear friend @iamgrey. I was back in my happy place!
Sunday.......all happiness went to HELL!! That's all I'm saying...
Which brings me to the main point of this blog entry.....What do you do when the one thing that you want most is right there in front of you, for you to take whenever you want it mind you, and it scares the f---ing sh*t out of you to go and take it!!
That is me right now!!
Wow, it really helps when you are able to read what you are thinking! I might just do the whole journal thing that RoRo suggested after all. Anyway, that's what is on my mind right now on 7/06 at 2:43 in the morning! I'm back in my happy place :)
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Scary....But Funny as Hell!!
This is gonna be one of those random blogs that I do where I just want to share a tidbit (MG's word) of a random thing that I did or was part of :)
So this past weekend, I spent it with some of my closest friends. I'm gonna go ahead and share something that we discovered in the middle of the night on Saturday (Sat going into Sun). After numerous drinks of whatever contained a so much % proof on it, everything started to seem funny to everyone. There was a debate about whether Pizza Hut was now called The Hut (thx 4 that one MG haha), there was a little bit of truth or dare (which is always fun) and some serious Rock Band playing. I suddenly remembered something my cousins had done a few months ago that I thought I'd introduce to my fellow drunken friends.
Ever heard of the scary maze? It's an online website that offers a puzzle maze that people try to complete but never do. If you are familiar with it, then you know what happens at the end of the maze. If not, I'll be posting the link for you to try and see if you are successful in completing it.
I just wanted to share b/c if you ever find yourself bored w/friends (especially drunk one's) it is such a funny thing to see how a drunky reacts when getting the crap scared out of the them! You might have to copy and paste, but please try if you haven't!!
This is the link to the maze! Try it out if you haven't. Just make sure that you are in your own home and not the workplace.
http://tinyurl.com/lnplh
If you have not done the maze, do not look at the reactions yet! Do the maze and then view the reactions later!!
These are a couple of links to reactions from people playing the scary maze game.
http://tinyurl.com/yqzemn
http://tinyurl.com/mqg868
So this past weekend, I spent it with some of my closest friends. I'm gonna go ahead and share something that we discovered in the middle of the night on Saturday (Sat going into Sun). After numerous drinks of whatever contained a so much % proof on it, everything started to seem funny to everyone. There was a debate about whether Pizza Hut was now called The Hut (thx 4 that one MG haha), there was a little bit of truth or dare (which is always fun) and some serious Rock Band playing. I suddenly remembered something my cousins had done a few months ago that I thought I'd introduce to my fellow drunken friends.
Ever heard of the scary maze? It's an online website that offers a puzzle maze that people try to complete but never do. If you are familiar with it, then you know what happens at the end of the maze. If not, I'll be posting the link for you to try and see if you are successful in completing it.
I just wanted to share b/c if you ever find yourself bored w/friends (especially drunk one's) it is such a funny thing to see how a drunky reacts when getting the crap scared out of the them! You might have to copy and paste, but please try if you haven't!!
This is the link to the maze! Try it out if you haven't. Just make sure that you are in your own home and not the workplace.
http://tinyurl.com/lnplh
If you have not done the maze, do not look at the reactions yet! Do the maze and then view the reactions later!!
These are a couple of links to reactions from people playing the scary maze game.
http://tinyurl.com/yqzemn
http://tinyurl.com/mqg868
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